


Juno Steel and the Case of the Found Dog

by SpaceCutie



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Dogs, theres a dog they get a dog, this is before any of season two because i started this forever ago, this is the domestic healing fluff we all need and DESERVE
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 22:11:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceCutie/pseuds/SpaceCutie
Summary: Juno Steel tries to distract himself from the wounds left from his two weeks underground by taking on a case Rita assured him would be a simple classic. Instead, he gets much more than he bargained for with a former celebrity, an ugly ring, a tiny dog, and a surprise appearance from a very important guest that disregards the need for both formal invitations and locks.





	Juno Steel and the Case of the Found Dog

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! welcome to my "i need to give these two a dog" fic!! this takes place before season two, so if you haven't finished season one yet then there's gonna be finale spoilers. past that, though, its all good!! i hope you enjoy this because its 1am right now and im so hype to be posting this

Juno Steel had dealt with a lot of ridiculous things in his life. Many, many more than he could ever count, really. However, this particular case became a record-setter at breakneck speed.  Our dearest detective was already in a slump deeper than the one he permanently resides in, and all those around him had noticed. Rita could almost see a raincloud floating above the detective’s head as he sulked in and out of the office.

Usually, Rita had to guess what was wrong with Juno. He’d never say anything if she asked. That’s just how it had always been. However, several times lately she had found him drunk behind his desk at barely 3pm in the afternoon, old sweatshirt sleeves soaked with poorly-hidden tears. Juno told Rita all about Peter Nureyev, their two weeks underground, and why one of his eyes had decided to leave a vacant lot in his skull. 

She started hitting him with several different objects when Juno got to the part about leaving Peter alone in that hotel room. When Rita asked him to explain himself all Juno did was set his jaw and silently wet his sleeves even more. She wasn’t afraid of his crying- she found it to be a healthy way to express emotion, after all- but she was afraid of what Juno thought of his own vulnerability from this type of exposure. He had made it a point in his life before that he wasn’t one to cry.

Juno Steel was always far too hard on himself, after all.

If what he said was true, however, then there was someone else out there that cared for Juno just as much as Rita did, and she swore to herself that she would find him- and  _ fast _ . So, Rita was on the case to get Juno Steel out of his funk. She knew if she got caught in the act that Juno would throw a fit, but she came up with the idea to distract the detective before he could figure out there was anything to be distracted from.

This is why Juno Steel, previously asleep against his desk, was suddenly awoken at 10am one weekday morning.

“Mr. Steel! Oh, Mr. Steel, you’ve got an important letter!” Rita burst in, a piece of paper waving from her hand as she excitedly slammed it down in front of him. Juno just stared at his assistant with eyebrows raised high in surprise. His head ached and he blinked rapidly, trying to become alert enough to understand what was going on.

“Rita…” he began slowly, voice drowsy, “if this is another envelope full of coupons from your mother, I  _ swear _ -”

“It’s not!” she insisted, pushing the letter closer to the detective. Juno let out a deep sigh and rubbed at his eyes, only becoming disoriented for half a moment when one hand collided instead with a slightly-damp eyepatch. He was still getting used to the loss of something that had been a rather helpful part of himself for the past thirty-eight years.

“It’s from Portia Amadeus,” Rita said, impatient that the envelope still remained unopened. The name piqued Juno’s interest enough to finally open the letter and scan over its contents. Inside was a job request from one of Hyperion City’s many filthy-rich and filthy-moraled members of high society. 

Portia Amadeus was, in all honesty, a complete sleazeball. Formally a celebrity gossip that nobody liked to begin with, he was now old and beyond stale, left to entertain himself in his mansion with nothing but his house staff and the millions he had made decades ago off of tasteless secrets and scandals. Now it seemed like he needed help with something, and Juno Steel was probably towards the lower-middle of the list Portia had gone through in search of assistance.

 

_ Dear Mr. Steel, _

_ I’ve very recently had a priceless piece of jewelry stolen from me. A ring, given to me back when the Hyperion City Awards were popular and I was given the honor of hosting the 347th show. A little bitch snatched it right off of my hand and ran away faster than I could keep up with. I’d like my ring retrieved; I have no care with what happens to the thief. The reward I’m offering for the return of my posession is attractively high, and I’d appreciate your assistance immensely. I look forward to word back from you. _

_ Yours truly, _

_ Portia Amadeus _

 

“You like good, old-fashioned treasure hunts, don’tcha, boss? This is right up your alley!” Rita beamed, hoping this sort of case would help her dearest friend cheer up a bit. Juno opened his mouth to reply before pausing a moment to think.

“Have you been reading my mail and resealing it?” he asked, already knowing the answer by what Rita had just said. She laughed nervously. This meant Juno was right. He wished he could feel surprised, but he found that he really didn’t care about much lately. However, Rita had made a point. Despite the client being a classic asshole, a hunt for a simple thief did seem like something he could actually enjoy. It was the type of mindless work that just might distract him enough to stop hearing that familiar voice in his head on repeat. 

That voice, confessing intimacies over and over in the dimly-lit hotel room that Juno fled. The hotel room he would give anything to go back to if it meant he could be in that moment for just a second longer. Maybe if he distracted himself enough he would stop leaving his apartment door and windows unlocked like a goddamn fool that cared more about a single sharply-angled man with a smooth tongue than his own safety. Maybe, with enough distraction, he could move on.

That was a rather hopeless thought, however. Juno knew that the hooks Peter Nureyev had in him couldn’t be ripped out without leaving behind ugly, gaping scars. He was really, really tired of having so many ugly, gaping scars.

“Alright, I’ll take the case,” Juno said before his thoughts drifted off any further into unsafe territory. He kept his face less expressive than stone and gave the letter back to Rita, who squealed in excitement before skittering off to make the call of accepting the job.

 

* * *

 

Juno Steel had seen his fair share of obnoxious mansions, but Portia Amadeus’ home put all the others to shame. Neon pinks and greens made the detective’s head spin as he walked down the long path that led through his client’s front yard and up to the front door. The exotic and brightly-colored plants that filled the lawn looked as if they shifted and shimmered in the daylight. Compared to the dusty red desert that made up Mars, Juno was sure that most children’s dollhouses looked less fake than the property he stood on. 

The front door was opened before he even had a chance to knock. Inside stood Portia Amadeus himself, donned in blue silk pajamas and a shimmering black robe. His grey hair was styled back in the same way it had been for decades, and his skin looked so tight it was as if he had it held back with pins. The man smiled widely, nearly blinding Juno with his overly-bright white teeth. It reminded him of a shark’s grin.

“At last! Juno Steel, I presume? Please, come in,” said Portia, gesturing for the other to enter the glittering foyer before realizing he had hired one of the most  _ scruffy  _ private detectives on Mars. The slight grimace wasn’t lost on Juno, who flashed a cheeky smile before tracking dust and sand inside from his dirty boots and ragged coat.

“Gee, Amadeus, I would’ve brought some sunglasses if I knew you kept it so bright in here,” he commented, referencing the multiple crystal chandeliers that reflected off of the freshly-waxed flooring. The door closed gently behind him and Portia cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

“My apologies,” replied the man, apathy clear now that he knew any place the detective stood would have to be cleaned thoroughly. “I hope it isn’t too overwhelming. I wasn’t aware you were so…”

“Attractive?” Juno suggested after the long pause. “Charming? Dazzling?”

“Unkempt,” Portia corrected flatly. Juno only grinned. He hadn’t realized how much he missed antagonizing the planet’s rich and famous until just then. Maybe Rita really had been spot-on about needing a simple case to jump into. He didn’t want to admit that yet, though.

“I didn’t know you were such a poor host, Amadeus. Not even gonna invite me further in for a drink while we discuss business?” the detective asked innocently, casually walking backwards towards what appeared to be a carpeted living room. Portia’s eyes widened at the sight of dirty boots nearing his pristinely white carpet.

“No!” he shouted, then awkwardly cleared his throat. “Ah, I mean, you must be very busy, detective. I don’t want to keep you from your other duties. Please, excuse me for just a moment.”

Juno wanted to correct that he had absolutely nothing other to do than find whatever the has-been had lost, but decided that making the man squirm wasn’t worth the emotional energy it took to stand in a sickeningly posh mansion with an even more sickeningly posh ex-celebrity that seemed as if he found too many similarities between the plague and poverty. In only a few seconds Portia was back with a sleek black folder in his hands. He handed it to Juno, who opened it to find different pictures of a gaudy golden ring adorned with several different precious jewels in a variety of colors.

“This what you lost?” asked Juno, biting back critiques of style and fashion.

“You mean what was  _ stolen _ , yes. Right off my hand!”

“Yeah, okay…” Juno closed the folder. “Tell me about the thief.”

“Well,” began Portia, crossing his arms in thought, “she was very small, with messy grey hair. Quite a mongrel, really.” Juno cringed at such demeaning language, despite already being aware of how this man spoke of others. “One foggy eye and crooked teeth, if I recall correctly. I’m not sure what breed she was specifically, but she-”

“Wait,” Juno said quickly. He hoped and prayed to every good and holy thing in existence that he didn’t just hear what he thought he heard.

“What?”

The detective took a moment to close his eyes and inhale deeply. “‘Breed’?” he repeated, voice high in a plea that he would be corrected.

“Yes,” replied Portia, effectively ruining his day in an instant. “Breed.. of dog.”

“Ohhh…” Juno let out the breath he led in a long sigh and rubbed at his eye. “I see,” he said defeatedly, “in your letter… you meant… a very literal… ‘bitch’...”

“Of course,” said Portia, brows knit in confusion. “Are you alright, Mr. Steel?”

“Never better,” he grumbled, bending the folder and stuffing it in one of his coat pockets. After straightening out a few details as to where and when the former-star had lost his ring, Juno was out of the mansion, far away from the property and on the busy streets of Hyperion before calling his secretary.

 

“How’d it go, Boss?” Rita asked cheerily when she answered, speaking through a mouthful of food. The tell-tale chomping a second later told Juno it was popcorn. He was still too annoyed at the conversation he just finished to spare any energy scolding her for having another popcorn-and-TV afternoon on the job.

“You wanna know how it went?” Juno asked, tone strained as he waited at a crosswalk. When the light took too long he barely looked both ways before darting through the street, only getting one angry honk from a car he barely made it past. He cursed at it under his breath.

He could hear Rita swallow her mouthful of popcorn hard. “That bad, huh…?”

Juno let out a sigh as he ducked down an alley. “That thief I’m looking for? It’s a dog. A  _ dog _ , Rita. I’m scouring Hyperion City for a  _ little grey dog. _ ” The detective leaned against a brick wall, scowl on his face as he glared nowhere in particular. It was quiet on the other end of the line for a moment, until he heard snickering. “Rita!”

“I’m sorry, Boss! That’s just-” she couldn’t contain her laughter anymore, cutting herself off to cackle loudly. Juno let out a huff of frustration, his shoulders tense. “A dog! Oh, Mr. Steel! That’s too funny!”

“I don’t think you’d be laughing if you were the one trying to find a single mutt in the entire city!” While Juno pouted in the back of an alleyway about his unfortunate luck, he couldn’t help but notice that the annoyance was making a decent distraction. The weight that he had been carrying on his shoulders for so long was starting to lift a bit. It felt like giving his wound a little air to breathe.

Juno wasted a bit more time complaining to Rita while she laughed harder with each detail from the meeting he disclosed. He ended the call when she said her show was starting to really get good, and he told her to get back to work, but they both knew that wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t like there was any work to do, anyways.

The detective didn’t know what else to do besides wait in the alley beside the restaurant that the ring was stolen at. Portia had said the dog had ran down this way, and if this was where said dog got any kind of food or shelter, it would be back. When Juno asked the restaurant staff if he could have some meat scraps from the kitchen they weren’t happy, and he reluctantly paid too much for a plate of meat trimmings.

So, Juno set the plate at the far end of the alley, climbed atop a dumpster, and sat down on the closed lid. Patience would be key to this job, and the detective was starting to enjoy the fresh air he was getting. Well, as fresh as air in an alleyway of Hyperion City got. It was nicer than staring at the grain of his desk through a tear-filled eye, anyways. After a little while of no dogs in sight, he began to let his mind wander.

 

Juno hadn't been sleeping well for a while. He tried to not make it noticeable, but he knew Rita was probably catching on to the fact that he was spending more nights in his office than not. It was so much easier to stay in the same place than it was to trudge back and forth from apartment to office when neither had much to offer him in the first place.

As time passed, seated cross-legged with his back pressed against cool brickwork, the detective felt his eyelids grow heavy. It wasn’t long before he drifted to sleep, his mind filling with the specific shapes and smells of the thief he wished he was looking for, instead. He wasn’t out long before a clinking and scraping sound woke him suddenly.

The detective sat up slowly as to not make any noise and looked over to where he had set the plate of meat scraps. There, lickling the white glass plate clean, was a scruffy grey dog. It had messy, unkempt fur, short legs, and a stubby tail. On the ground next to the plate was the gaudy ring that exactly resembled the photographs in Juno’s pocket.

He tried to crawl off the dumpster silently, but the lid shifted, and the dog looked over at him. One eye was so brown it was almost black, and the other was clouded white with cataracts, both shaded by shaggy grey fur. At the same time Juno jumped down to the ground the dog had picked the ring back up in its mouth and was running down the alleyway.

He raced after it, legs moving as fast as they could, feeling a pleasant buzz in his brain that he hadn't realized how much he missed as his lungs burned for more air. The dog was fast, dodging and weaving around discarded trash and alley corners. While the dog part was new, the feeling of a chase was familiar, and Juno almost felt the ghost of a smile on his face as adrenaline pumped through his veins.

The detective was closing in on the dog, trying to keep an eye on its slightly-open jaw and thinking,  _ Please don’t swallow it, please don’t swallow it,  _ because the last thing he needed was to be calling Rita about how to get a giant, ugly ring out of a stray dog’s stomach. The dog sharply turned a corner and Juno followed, finding they were now facing a dead end. He saw the dog look around quickly for an escape and was about to make a trademark quip before the dog lunged for a hole in the brickwork just big enough for itself and squeezed through.

“No-” Juno dived for the hole, sticking his arm in and getting nothing but a harsh landing on the concrete and dirt on his coat, “ _ fuck! _ ” He lay there for a minute, arm feeling around nothing more than another alley, and let out a long sigh. He suddenly felt very, very tired as all the adrenaline drained out of him, only to be replaced with a longing for his own bed.

It was still barely evening, though, so the detective checked every path around that he could think of, and back to the restaurant so he could give their plate back and not get charged for it. He passed a few hours wandering the backstreets with an eye out for any spots of grey fur, but after no sign of the dog, decided it was time to turn in.

 

Juno took his time going home. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and set a leisurely pace down the streets of Hyperion City, trying to find a balance between letting his mind wander but not letting it get too far. He wanted to be able to get some sleep tonight. He didn’t want to wake up after an hour or two drowning in a suffocating concoction of regret, guilt, and longing. He’d lost count at how many times it had happened already.

The detective was actually relieved when he saw his apartment complex ahead. It had been a while since he showered, and there might be some hot water he could use up to loosen the tightness in his muscles and the grime in his hair. He made his way inside and up the stairs until he was digging his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the door.

He barely got it open when a sound from inside made his internal alarms go off. He paused. There was definitely a noise coming from inside his apartment. What was it? Something… running? The shower? Yeah, it was the shower.  _ Why the hell is my shower on? I haven’t been here in days, _ he thought, noting that if he had somehow accidentally left his shower on then he was going to get the most expensive water bill on Mars.

Juno pulled out his blaster, ignoring the voice in his head that told him he wouldn’t be able to shoot a stagnant target from point-blank if he tried with the aim his single eye gave him. He opened the door slowly, holding the handle up slightly so it wouldn’t squeak. Moving into the main room he cleared it, taking note that nothing was out of order. The window was closed but unlocked, and he shamefully remembered doing that on purpose.

The detective didn’t let himself dwell on that, however, because there was light and steam leaking out from under his bathroom door. He crossed the room, careful not to step on any places of the floor that would make a sound, and stopped next to the door. With his back pressed to the wall and blaster held tightly in his hand, he could hear a voice inside.

“Do you like that, hm? You really do have impeccable manners, Miss, if I do say so myself.”

Juno felt his blood run cold. His mind had to be playing tricks on him.

“Look at me, please. Ah, there you are! You’ve got such beautiful eyes, you know,” the voice inside the bathroom cooed. It made Juno want to bolt. Slam and lock his apartment door behind him and not look back until he had at least half a bottle of whatever he had stuffed in his desk running through his bloodstream.

This is what he had been wishing for, though.

If that was the voice he thought it was, what he  _ wanted  _ it to be, then this is exactly the moment that he had spent the past months sobbing for. A moment he would give anything for. It was almost too convenient. Juno didn’t trust himself, though. He was ready for this to all be a trick. He decided that something that good wasn’t about to actually happen to him.

The detective closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, then reached down and threw open the bathroom door. He held his blaster out, muscles stiff and ready to pull the trigger at whatever he may find. It took a moment for the steam to clear enough. When it did, Juno felt as if getting hit by a train then and there would have been less of a shock.

 

Two figures, aside from himself, were in his bathroom. One was faced away from him, crouched next to the shower floor and dressed far too elegantly for this side of the city. Sleek black dress shoes stood atop dirty white tile, and a pink suit jacket was draped across the sink. An orange button-up had its sleeves rolled up to the elbows to keep them from getting soaked in the shower’s stream.

The second figure was short, round, grey, scruffy, and dripping wet. Juno almost didn’t recognize it now, sudsed up with the fur pushed away from its face. The first figure turned and Juno didn’t know how he kept himself from shaking. A fox-like smile, followed by a voice that equaled poisoned honey.

“Why, Detective, you did keep me waiting long enough.”

“Nureyev,” Juno breathed, a sound followed by the clacking of his blaster hitting the floor.

**Author's Note:**

> wanna tell me to write more because im probably not doing anything productive at the moment? or wanna just talk about podcasts because theyre sick as fuck? hit me up @ rudyardfunt.tumblr.com !!


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